Rob wasn't right.

In the movie High Fidelity, Rob Gordon speculates at one point that, "Maybe it's not what we're like, but what we like that matters." He is referring to things like movies and music being important rather than how people really get along. The theory is explored a little, but I think that it's mostly just the momentary euphoria he was feeling in connecting with a gorgeous girl who did happen to like the same things as he did. For those who haven't seen it I'm sorry, but he ends up with Laura in the end, the same girl that he's trying to get over the whole movie, who doesn't have quite the same entertainment palate, though she's not in direct opposition to his in any way.

I've been thinking about Rob's theory a bit because Double Champ made a comment a couple weeks ago about us probably disagreeing on a lot of things. The truth is that he and I often end up in very mild arguments over things in which we are inexplicably carrying on, yet arguing the same point. We don't however see completely eye to eye on movies and music, though we have both shown a willingness to share in what the other likes as a means of spending more time together as well as expanding our personal entertainment scopes.

In the past I have dated guys (well, mostly just one guy) who have had pretty much the EXACT same taste in music and movies as my own. While it was amazing and we both commented on loving that it was easy to put music on because we could just hit shuffle on either of our MacBookPros (yes, even the same taste in awesome computers) and both of us would be happy, I am now wondering if it would have gotten boring. While this particular boy and I were able to introduce each other to a lot of new things for the short time that we dated, I can't help but to think that our sources would soon become the same and we would have very little to share with each other. There was already so much that one would link the other to, only to find out that we'd already known about that artist.

I think I like this kind of sharing more. The kind where I have never heard of Chali 2na, but I go to a show anyway because he's so pumped about it and find out that I really love this respectful and intelligent hip hop. I will admit that I had kind of expected to grin and bear something that I was only mildly interested in, but if that were the case I would not have gotten off of my rear and onto the dance floor.

So Rob's pondering is fruitless. No, I shouldn't say that. Rob's pondering brings up a great point. Is it more important to like the same things, or to like each other? I'm oversimplifying and I know it, but that's how I am interpreting it for this use. As he finds out in the end as well, I think it is more important to like each other, and allow that to lead to liking the same things, even if only because the other likes them.

Do you happen to remember me saying something about a boy who asked me out who I wasn't so sure about?

Things have kind of done a 180, and I'm exhilaratingly terrified.

It is what it is.

Overanalyzing things is way over rated, and just going with it is totally better. I've been just going with it since my last post, and I have to say that I'm damn happy with how that's going. I guess we'll just have to keep this up and see how things continue.

I'm having a rough semester otherwise though, and I've made some decisions that are a bit disappointing, but will probably work better in the long run. Once I get through this essay that is seriously one of the worst I've ever written I may be able to say more.

There's something wrong with me

Smart
Funny
Totally into me
Nerdy
Has a Job
Has his own place
(Responsible)
Social
Chivalrous
Genuine

Can someone please explain to me how Double Champ can be almost everything I've ever wanted (as in definitely 8 of the things listed above and maybe more), and yet I'm still not so sure that this is going to last?

New Name!

Shadow Boy is getting a new name. It's not the most anonymous name, as anyone who actually knows him will probably figure it out in .7 seconds, but SB just has a negative vibe to it, whereas Double Champ does not. So, for the two of you who know him, could I be a little more obvious?

After the walk in the rain on Wednesday night he kissed me, and then he hung out with me and some friends at my place on Thursday. He kissed me that night too, after I got rid of the last friend rather hastily. Friday night there was the usual hanging out at Hangar 17 followed by food at my place and some more kissing, and on Saturday he actually stayed over, but only because it was so damn cold! Last night he accompanied me to Safeway to get some food for studying, and he's on his way over now to hang out for a bit before I kick him out to write a paper.

He's definitely way more into me than I am him, but I'm going with it for now and seeing how it goes. Hopefully it doesn't end in flames.

Shadow Boy seems to be stepping into the light a bit.

I don't think I know enough to share any more at the moment.

Let's Do The Time Warp Again!

I guess here's a week and a half in one entry before passing out for 5 1/2 hours!

Last Friday the typical happy-hour-that-lasts-all-night crowd was out at our normal 10-11 two-for-ones bar, and one of the guys who was out with us said that he could get us into a club around the corner that none of us would typically go to because it's 18+ and has a high cover, but for free I'll totally dance the night away! Both Shadow Boy and Dodgeball were there.

Even after the weekend before and the disappointment of seriously unmet expectations, I spent the whole night dancing with Dodgeball. Sure I was a little drunk, but it was also rather exhilarating to flirt and dance knowing that I no longer wanted anything to come from it!

I was also able to determine that since I could have been flirting and dancing with a boy who was interested, I should probably not lead that boy on by accepting a date with him.

As of last night, I heard that Shadow Boy has been flirting it up with someone else who, from the little I know of her, he would be much better suited for. Win, win, win! (Option 5, I believe, for fans of The Office.)

This weekend has been a bit of a blowout to kick of the second half of the semester. It's one of the busiest I've had in a while, and I'm loving it!

Now it's time for bed after a great showing of the Rocky Horror Show, because the lovely Kasey is picking me up in less than 6 hours to get an awesome vanity I found on Craigslist. The addition of this vanity to my room will allow me to finish up the organizing of my room, which will mean a much better rest of the semester!

For those who follow dictionarycom on twitter, I'm tempted to change Dodgeball's alias to Fugacious.

Don't You Know that You're Toxic?

I don't even know what to say right now. I have lots of things I could update with, but I don't really get any of it, so I don't know how to get out of my head.

I guess I'll give it a go though.

I was thinking about the possible date with the about to be named boy, and I realized that I'm not currently terribly into him. I have no zsa-zsa-zsu, as a new blogging friend has recently posted about. I want a boy who will share the spotlight with me. Someone who will get up and make a fool out of himself with me so that when I regret it, he can say he did it too, rather than try to tell me that I looked fine. I don't really want someone who will be standing back in the shadows. Thus Shadow Boy has been named.

(Totally unrelated picture, but can I please have one this adorably afraid of fireworks, but then totally into them when hanging out with me?)

So, I got some advice from a friend this week that I should not in fact take Shadow Boy up on his date offer if I don't think that I like him. The thing is though, I do enjoy talking to him. What if that could lead to some zsa-zsa-zsu? I mean, the first few times that I met Dodgeball there wasn't anything there. And then the idiot had to go and use some big words, and there were those damned butterflies in my stomach. Why do I have to be such an English major?

If I could like Shadow Boy though, why shouldn't I give it a shot. Maybe the butterflies will come later.

Or maybe they'll last for 3 years like they have with someone else...

Blue instant messaged me tonight. Checking to make sure that I still work somewhere that prevents us from dating. He has actually been the topic of discussion lately, and I find it very interesting that he then messages me at 1:15AM. What is it about this boy? I don't understand him!

Small request

Would one of the adorable boys in my life just ask me out to one of the great movies out right now already?

Isn't faith believing all power can't be seen?

After a very long night last night, and a word being used that I don't really want associated with me, I've decided to turn my affections from Dodgeball to someone else.

ME!

While this is really easy to say at 10:30 on a Saturday morning after hanging out with cool people the previous night, I'm going to do my best to keep to it...

Forget boys. From now on I have eyes for one man. I first fell for him during my senior year of high school when I saw things like this...



Lots of stuff has happened since then, including my 21st birthday at his show in Vegas.
And then last year he did this at the Grammy's (yes I have already shared this).



With moments like the next one, how can I not be in love with him?



Who knows him? Let's make this happen!

Inside You'll Hear A Sigh

Blue came over last night. We'd been talking about him coming over the night before, and we texted a bit just to confirm details throughout the day, but I wasn't really that into him coming over. I knew exactly what it would really be about, and considering that I can't seem to get my mind off of Dodgeball when talking to Blue, I don't know that it's fair to either Blue or I for me to act like I'm not thinking about someone else. (It doesn't impact Dodgeball in any way because he doesn't like me.)

There is a reason though that Blue and I are not technically allowed to date, and while I hadn't been hiding it from him that this reason exists again, I hadn't made it known to him either. Tonight it came up though. Within about 2 minutes of him being here. Which made things really uncomfortable for him and ultimately led him to leave with only a hug goodbye. (Well, that and the fact that before my hair dries, my Tresume shampoo and conditioner make my hair smell like crap. Haha, no hair smelling for Blue this time!)

Part of me wanted to be hurt because obviously he doesn't like me enough to say, "Screw the rules, I'm already downtown tonight, we might as well hang out for a while!" But it kind of makes it easier if I don't have to let him down while I'm still hung up on someone else.

Blue is going to look into the issue with us dating and see if it can be resolved. I'm not sure whether or not I really want it to be. Wednesday night he asked me when he's taking me out as a belated birthday dinner, so it seems that he does actually want to date, and I wouldn't be opposed to trying that, but I don't want to force the Dodgeball crush to go away. I think I'll just take it slow. I get a lot of messages from Blue that tell me he's not as into me as I really want someone to be, but him actually figuring out if we can date might be a way of showing me that he is, in fact, that into me. (I know it sounds cliche, but he doesn't really fit with the He's Just Not That Into You logic, and I know from talking with him, not because I just don't want to believe it. After all, I'm believing it with Dodgeball right?)

It's starting to feel like I have some sort of actual life, to which I don't know the proper reaction. I guess it's sharing my experiences with a relatively anonymous audience! Yay blogging!

I really can't say enough how much I don't like crushes.

Tonight was painful. And it's all my doing.

Girl Just Wanna Have Fun.

Being a girl can seriously suck. In the last 48 hours I have been through a roller coaster of emotions that really don't even make sense. Yes, it is that time of the month, and I definitely hope that's why I'm like this, but knowing that I can expect this according to the lunar cycle does not really help in dealing with it.

I totally broke down before work on Sunday, and luckily my guardian angel Blythe was online to calm me down. Though, I didn't actually calm down. Since she wasn't in front of me to see, I was actually getting much worse.



I've got issues with the fact that I can't find a boy worth a damn who is interested in an actual relationship. As Blythe so wonderfully pointed out, I've recently made some really great friends, so it is obvious that I've got a personality that can attract people. And then I have a boys like... well we'll call him Dodgeball... who make it almost painfully obvious that it's not any issue with my body that's keeping the boys away. I even have boys like Dodgeball who end up being really good friends in moments that I need them, and probably see a little more than they should.

For whatever reason though, those things don't all come together as I would like them to, and it frustrates me to no end. I've got some plans to focus myself on other things for the time being. Among them, getting into a consistent size 6 through more creative eating and getting back to dancing more.

There is a part of me that refuses to give up on Dodgeball, even though Blue (who I know I didn't update about, but I totally gave up on two weeks ago) messaged me last night for no real reason. I new that Blue would eventually get back in touch with me, and I knew that it would be mostly they type of conversation that we had last night, and I'm glad to report that my emotional response was pretty much as I wanted it.

I didn't care! The whole time that we were talking, I was thinking about how sure, it would be nice to date him if he wanted to take me out, but I'm really more interested in someone else, even if I don't actually have a shot with him.

Considering how desperate I was for some decent male attention only 14 or so hours before, I was really glad to see that it's not just male attention that I want, it's male attention from someone I like, that's not just about sex. It's a bittersweet relief though, since getting more than that from someone whom I actually like is much more difficult to find.

Oh well, should give me more to blog about, right?

A letter to the boy I can't actually write to.

Nights like tonight are probably the hardest. I've got a lot on my mind that I wish I could talk to you about. Granted, one of the biggest things on my mind right now is the simple fact that I can't talk to you, but none the less you are the first person I think of when I want to tell something to someone so it's frustrating that things feel like they're piling up.

Your messages to me give me just enough information that they're actually really vague to someone who isn't completely sure how your mind works. Guess who falls into that classification.

You've made it clear that you don't want to talk right now. What confuses me there is whether or not you intend to be in contact with me in the future. I like you. I see that we have different styles of letting each other know that we're interested. That is a bit difficult to handle sometimes, but I'm down to figure out just how we handle it and I hope that you are too.

I hope you're still planning on taking me out for my birthday. Dressing up for you would be fun!



In other news...

I've totally found THE ONE.

Anyone out there who happens to come across this also have any sort of connection to Josh Groban? I have recently fallen for him yet again. I mean, if you know me and just how cheesy I am in conjunction with my love of TV, watch the following video and try to honestly tell me that he and I are not meant to be.

Also, could he match those voices better? Seriously, let's make this happen people. I really love the running during the Baywatch part, and the "Oh God," before the Fresh Prince of Bel Air.

As if that wasn't enough, go look at his description for one of his vlogs. It's like 10 minutes long, so don't worry about actually watching it if you don't want to, but the description!

I'm sure that he gets a lot of attention from the ladies, but I also think that I'm probably one of the younger ones, maybe this could actually happen! Anyone care to help me devise a plot?

Friends, a boy and some good advice.

I really can't express just how much fun I'm having lately. I've found some really amazing people whom I've somehow fooled into thinking I'm just as awesome as they are, and we're having a ball. Everything from Bowleoake and crazy Luau parties to just hanging out at home and having some home made macaroni, we've got good times no matter what.

I'm blown away by the kind of support that I'm getting from the amazing women I've found. Sunday night, we seriously hung out at my house, I made macaroni, and we repaired a dress. After a pretty crazy party the night before, it was kind of just what was needed.

Part of knowing these marvelous ladies is listening to the advice that they give, even when it's something that I've heard before and resisted. Last week a friend posted the suggestion of reading He's Just Not That Into You. I've heard of it before, and thought about reading it, but simply wasn't going to do it. I expected that it would be condescending and possibly demeaning, and I wanted no part of that.

Taking a risk based on the awesome time that we'd already spent hanging out, I asked to borrow the book. Worst that could happen is that I just don't like it, right?

Well guess what. That's not what happened. I'm only halfway through, and I love it. It's already helped me loads with some things that I was holding onto, and even with a boy I met up with last night! This is a boy I've know for about 3 years, and we've gone through a few different phases of romantic-type relationships. This time around he (let's call him Blue for ease of future references, if they should occur) has made it clear (as in stating it flat out) that he would very much like to date me as soon as he moves back to town.

I am very much in support of that idea, so I don't want to do anything kind of stupid that would scare him off. Especially not while he's still 2 states away. I also don't want to get myself too worked up to be let down, which the book is helping me to do. Last night we only had a few hours together, and I'm really happy with how they went. He moves back to town either mid August, or early September, and now I kind of can't wait.

It's a really good thing I've got these awesome girls to keep me occupied until he gets back and can take me on that date he's promised!

Please Excuse the Language but...

I'm pretty fucking amazing.



Seriously. It's taken me much longer than it should have to realize it, but I really am.

This realization comes from a boy seeming to get a little weirded out actually, or maybe I'm just reading things wrong. I have been dating a boy for a couple of weeks, and in that time he's realized that I pick up on details pretty easily. This is true. If you tell me your birthday, or I see it on Facebook, I will probably remember that it's the same or similar to someone else that I know, and therefore I will know it sooner and remember it longer than you might expect.

What's my best friend from elementary school who I haven't spoken to regularly in 15 years you ask? June 8. Her mother's? August 7.

I don't know how, I don't know why. They don't always stick, but they do tend to get in there pretty quick.

That same boy doesn't know this (yet?), but I really like doing things to show my affection. Things like mix CDs or post cards sent by snail mail. I've had some people make me feel as though the kind of attention that I can give is not a good thing. Those people are wrong.

Sure, there are people who don't handle the attention so well, and I probably won't be super close with them for very long, but that doesn't make either of us wrong. I do believe that it indicates that I'm going to be a pretty kick-ass mother though.

I've blogged before about this awesome party put on by an amazingly talented mother and how blown away I was by it. I'm starting to realize that I have the potential to be just as inspiring.

So, it sucks if I'm reading this boy correctly and he is getting scared off by things like awesome sandwiches that I make and remembering birthdays, but just think of what the one who won't be scared away will be like! And I could be totally wrong anyway, and he could just be busy. In that case, lucky him!