In the movie High Fidelity, Rob Gordon speculates at one point that, "Maybe it's not what we're like, but what we like that matters." He is referring to things like movies and music being important rather than how people really get along. The theory is explored a little, but I think that it's mostly just the momentary euphoria he was feeling in connecting with a gorgeous girl who did happen to like the same things as he did. For those who haven't seen it I'm sorry, but he ends up with Laura in the end, the same girl that he's trying to get over the whole movie, who doesn't have quite the same entertainment palate, though she's not in direct opposition to his in any way.
I've been thinking about Rob's theory a bit because Double Champ made a comment a couple weeks ago about us probably disagreeing on a lot of things. The truth is that he and I often end up in very mild arguments over things in which we are inexplicably carrying on, yet arguing the same point. We don't however see completely eye to eye on movies and music, though we have both shown a willingness to share in what the other likes as a means of spending more time together as well as expanding our personal entertainment scopes.
In the past I have dated guys (well, mostly just one guy) who have had pretty much the EXACT same taste in music and movies as my own. While it was amazing and we both commented on loving that it was easy to put music on because we could just hit shuffle on either of our MacBookPros (yes, even the same taste in awesome computers) and both of us would be happy, I am now wondering if it would have gotten boring. While this particular boy and I were able to introduce each other to a lot of new things for the short time that we dated, I can't help but to think that our sources would soon become the same and we would have very little to share with each other. There was already so much that one would link the other to, only to find out that we'd already known about that artist.
I think I like this kind of sharing more. The kind where I have never heard of Chali 2na, but I go to a show anyway because he's so pumped about it and find out that I really love this respectful and intelligent hip hop. I will admit that I had kind of expected to grin and bear something that I was only mildly interested in, but if that were the case I would not have gotten off of my rear and onto the dance floor.
So Rob's pondering is fruitless. No, I shouldn't say that. Rob's pondering brings up a great point. Is it more important to like the same things, or to like each other? I'm oversimplifying and I know it, but that's how I am interpreting it for this use. As he finds out in the end as well, I think it is more important to like each other, and allow that to lead to liking the same things, even if only because the other likes them.
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3 comments:
Very good post...I feel like interests have to be somewhat complimentary.
With the fella I'm dating now, I've found that we're just enough alike to truly understand each other (which is important to me)and share interests such as reading and travel but have different enough interests we can learn and discover new things from the other person.
For example: He's really into MMA and all that fighting nonsense and I'm such a pacifist hippie but his passion for it is so infectious that I watched my first fight on Sunday with him. And while I will not become a fan, I have to say watching it with him was kind of lovely.
First, I love that book and that movie!
It's hard for me to side either way with Rob's theory or yours. In my experience, with ex's and with my current bf, Jason, I have found the best relationship has been with the person that it's a combination of the two. Jason and I have almost uncannily similar tastes in music, movies and other such media, but at the same time have completely opposite interests. I, for example, read constantly. I can't get him to pick up a book even if I hide candy in it (kidding, mostly). He is into computers and software, and as long as mine is working right I have absolutely no interest. There are other things, too.
So, I agree with your friend Meg, it's good to share interests but there should also be an element of surprise to him that keeps you interested. After six years with Jason he still manages to surprise me with things I learn about him, and it's always a pleasure for me. It's the same for him too: I guess the most important part of our relationship is we realize that there are things about one another we won't necessarily enjoy together, but we still participate by listening, watching, and taking pleasure that the other person enjoys it.
:)
Sorry to go on...this was such a great post I just had to comment!
I think it's crazy to think a relationship will work based on liking the same things, but at the same time liking some similar things tends to indicate similarities in personality - such as the same kind of sense of humor, the same social beliefs, etc - which ARE very important to a relationship. I think it's also important to have different interests because you can't be together doing the same thing all the time - that's unhealthy. Sure, I pay attention when Matt talks about wrestling, but I would not classify it as a personal interest! So, much like everyone else is saying, while interests can be important on some level, there's definitely way more to it than that.
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