Inside You'll Hear A Sigh

Blue came over last night. We'd been talking about him coming over the night before, and we texted a bit just to confirm details throughout the day, but I wasn't really that into him coming over. I knew exactly what it would really be about, and considering that I can't seem to get my mind off of Dodgeball when talking to Blue, I don't know that it's fair to either Blue or I for me to act like I'm not thinking about someone else. (It doesn't impact Dodgeball in any way because he doesn't like me.)

There is a reason though that Blue and I are not technically allowed to date, and while I hadn't been hiding it from him that this reason exists again, I hadn't made it known to him either. Tonight it came up though. Within about 2 minutes of him being here. Which made things really uncomfortable for him and ultimately led him to leave with only a hug goodbye. (Well, that and the fact that before my hair dries, my Tresume shampoo and conditioner make my hair smell like crap. Haha, no hair smelling for Blue this time!)

Part of me wanted to be hurt because obviously he doesn't like me enough to say, "Screw the rules, I'm already downtown tonight, we might as well hang out for a while!" But it kind of makes it easier if I don't have to let him down while I'm still hung up on someone else.

Blue is going to look into the issue with us dating and see if it can be resolved. I'm not sure whether or not I really want it to be. Wednesday night he asked me when he's taking me out as a belated birthday dinner, so it seems that he does actually want to date, and I wouldn't be opposed to trying that, but I don't want to force the Dodgeball crush to go away. I think I'll just take it slow. I get a lot of messages from Blue that tell me he's not as into me as I really want someone to be, but him actually figuring out if we can date might be a way of showing me that he is, in fact, that into me. (I know it sounds cliche, but he doesn't really fit with the He's Just Not That Into You logic, and I know from talking with him, not because I just don't want to believe it. After all, I'm believing it with Dodgeball right?)

It's starting to feel like I have some sort of actual life, to which I don't know the proper reaction. I guess it's sharing my experiences with a relatively anonymous audience! Yay blogging!